Parents in Prison: When Reconciliation May Be Impossible

Many if not most children love their parents in prison, but in more rare cases a reunion may be unwanted. This poem was written by a participant in Youthcast Media Group, which offers free and paid training in multimedia journalism to diverse high school students from under-resourced communities across the United States. In the poem, which she would like to be anonymous, she explores her conflicted feelings, including betrayal and horror, over a father she loved so deeply — and who she recently learned had molested her sister:

A Daughter’s Lament
— Anonymous

Am I suffering for someone who’s not worth it?

I can’t help but feel jealous seeing girls accompanied by their dads.
Realizing the fantasies I once made many years ago would never come true for me.

My best friend,
The person I wanted to be like,
Someone I could tell my happiness and sorrows to.
He’s now not any different from the monster I’ve tried to erase from my life for many years
A monster he never met, yet became.

He’s the cause of my biggest pain,
Something that aches my throat once I try to speak about it
Something that can only come out genuinely when written to a blank piece of paper.

I can’t forget his last word.
Before he vanished.
“Take care of your little sister, I love you both.”
I could feel his eyes full of tears, trying to hold in his emotions through the phone.
His voice trembled in fear and sadness.
I wonder what else he could’ve said if that call had only lasted 1 more minute.
Would he have told me what he did?

I regret not taking more pictures or videos with him.
Now, my dreams have become mute.
And his voice is no longer accompanying me.

I sometimes wonder if I miss him or not.
I find myself blindly texting his number, telling him about my life, hoping for a sudden miracle that all my messages will get a reply.

But then reality hits.
My sister’s tears flash back
The pain, guilt, disgust she had to deal with
How could he?
His own daughter?
Would he have done the same… to me?

–Anonymous