For Black Families in California, Grief After Infant Loss Often Comes With Nowhere to Turn

Five weeks after she was born, Kairis Aurae Hill died before ever sleeping in the nursery her parents lovingly prepared for her in their Bakersfield, California home. One year later, the room looks practically the same; a white crib remains nestled in the corner, just across from a dresser filled with tiny clothes. “We thought we’d be bringing her home to this room,” said Kairis’ mother, Kimisha Gill. Against their deepest wishes, Gill and her husband, André Hill Sr., joined the oversized set of Black parents across the United States grieving the loss of their baby. 

They are far from alone; the statistics are outrageous. Black parents in this country experience twice the rate of infant loss faced by their white counterparts. In California, the outcomes are even worse, Observer Group reports, with Black babies dying at nearly triple the rate of white babies. In Kern County, where the Hills live, poverty enables the disparity to persist, with Black infants dying at three times the rate there as well. 

Worse yet, grieving parents are left with little support. California’s major maternal health programs are built for pregnancy, new parenthood and prevention of Sudden Unidentified Infant Death rather than bereavement, leaving a gap in care. Medi-Cal does cover broad doula services when ordered via physician referral, including doula care that specializes in pregnancy and infant loss. But doula care isn’t a replacement for grief counseling or clinical care for those grieving and overwhelmed after the death of their baby. 

Studies find that parents who experience stillbirth and infant loss have elevated risk for depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and complicated grief, leading mental health professionals to call for more long-term support rather than short-term crisis intervention. It’s why Trinity Brown, a Black resident of Bakersfield, established the Noel Alexandria Foundation. 

Named in honor of her daughter, who died when Brown was 36 weeks and five days pregnant, the foundation focuses solely on perinatal loss and maternal mental health. Besides funeral assistance and their signature Comfort Kits, which include a teddy bear the size and weight of a newborn, NAF provides bereavement training to medical health professionals. They also offer families a range of services, including Silent Cry, a parent support group, community behavioral health services and academic scholarships for students affected by pregnancy or infant loss. It helps families connect with others who understand their unique grief.

“Leaving the hospital without your baby…you still feel alone and isolated when other people haven’t gone through that experience,” Brown said. “You will hear people say, ‘You can always have another baby. Everything happens for a reason. At least you know you can get pregnant.’” But those words just deepen the wound, she said. NAF allows families to join at any time during their grief journey, and to stay as long as they need. “We don’t tell the family that they’re no longer able to attend because they’ve done six weeks,” Brown said. “We’re here with open arms all the time. We’re a family. We are here to support each other. It’s a lifelong journey.”

Since its founding in 2018, NAF has served more than 6,500 bereaved families in Kern County and reached additional families through hospitals and birthing facilities across California, Texas, Alabama and Wisconsin. Brown intends to expand the foundation’s work further nationwide so that more grieving families can find community.

Back in Bakersfield, Gill and her husband carry their grief together with their joy. They have another daughter now, Kienna Aurielle Hill, to fill their family home with coos and cries. “It’s a bittersweet feeling,” said Hill. “On one hand, we still miss our angel baby, Kairis, dearly, while simultaneously being thankful for her sister Kienna’s arrival. We’re just doing our best to stay present and embrace the joy that comes with our new addition to the family, and still honor the feelings of grief when they arise.”

The name “MindSite News” is used with the express permission of Mindsight Institute, an educational organization offering online learning and in-person workshops in the field of mental health and wellbeing. MindSite News and Mindsight Institute are separate, unaffiliated entities that are aligned in making science accessible and promoting mental health globally.