Dreading Weekends? Try ‘European Parenting’

March 21, 2024

By Courtney Wise

Plus, prominent Maryland psychologist and author John Gartner has started a emergency petition suggesting that Trump is mentally unfit to be president, noting that he is showing clear signs of dementia, including confusion, incomprehensible speech and the repeated use of non-words. If you have cared for a parent, grandparent or someone else with dementia, have you noticed any of these symptoms in Trump’s recent speeches? Let us know…

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Save your sanity with “European parenting”

If there’s anything parenting young children can be, it’s all-encompassing. Rini Fey, an Instagram influencer and mother of two, one 3-year-old and one 6-month-old, told Newsweek she quickly became overwhelmed by the demands. They occupied so much of her time, in fact, she even began dreading weekends. That’s when her parenting responsibilities really ramped up: Playdates, birthday parties, and visits to the children’s museum took every free space in her calendar. “I was so busy trying to plan activities to keep my toddler entertained. We’d go to the zoo, indoor playgrounds, kids’ activities, and it was super busy, but there was nothing just for me to fill my cup,” she said. But this time, reaching empty was a blessing in disguise. It prompted Fey to apply helpful approaches from her own European upbringing to her parenting.

Instead of filling every free moment with activities for her children, Fey now holds Saturdays sacred for what she and her husband want to do, leaving Sundays open for her kids. University of Texas at Austin psychology professor Cristine Legare salutes Fey’s shift in approach, suggesting it a good way to avoid parenting burnout. Likening parenting in the US to a “competitive sport,” Legare said that “balance is critical.”

“Children of all ages should be given opportunities to experience a range of activities, including those that the entire family needs or enjoys. They need opportunities to participate in spaces that are not designed exclusively for them to learn the behavioral norms,” she continued. “Learning to adapt behavior to diverse environments is very beneficial, and it promotes the development of self-regulation and provides opportunities to learn new things from people of diverse backgrounds and a range of ages.”

Fey’s post about her return to her European parenting roots took the internet by storm, racking up more than 8.5 million views in just weeks. An overwhelming number of commenters chimed in with support, reinforcing the fact that many kids cherish the time with their parents. No matter the activity, readers suggested, moms (and dads) need to focus on themselves sometimes to remain healthy. 

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Want the secrets to a good life? Kick it with toddlers. 

A dubious proposition, you say? You’re underestimating their wisdom, asserts emergency room pediatrician and author of Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets From the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life, Hasan Merali. “A term I dislike very much is ‘terrible twos,’” he told the New York Times. “Or ‘three-nagers.’ Can you imagine if we labeled another age group like this?” Their roughly once daily tantrums aren’t that bad, Merali says, especially considering they’re wellness models the rest of the time. 

He’s totally serious – and if you’re fortunate enough to be around toddlers often, you’re inclined to agree. They practice positive self-talk on the regular, like this 4-year-old snowboarder, and Merali said adults should, too. There’s scientific evidence that positive self-talk aids in problem-solving, learning, building confidence and managing your emotions.

Think about how often there’s a study referencing the benefits of exercise for mental health. Toddlers are constantly moving! The Times cites a review of 24 studies that found two-year-olds are in motion nearly five hours each day. They’re also incredibly curious, never hesitating to ask questions about what they’d like to understand. We grownups spend too much time fearing someone will accuse us of posing a “stupid question,” so we don’t inquire enough. Holding back prevents us from new learning and inhibits a pathway to forging new relationships, Merali said. 

Toddlers are also masters at taking the serious seriously, but not too much. In other words, they laugh a lot and revel in play. And you’ll see even more high spirits if you get them to bed at a reasonable hour. Toddlers thrive on a consistent full night’s sleep, plus daytime naps — something parents should consider, too. 

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Trump is showing clear signs of early dementia: Expert

If some of you have cared for a parent or another loved one with dementia, you may be watching the current presidential race with particular interest. Maryland psychologist and author John Gartner, founder of the Duty to Warn PAC, certainly is. He says that signs of dementia in Donald Trump are increasingly obvious and is circulating a Change.org petition called “Our Diagnosis of Trump is Probable Dementia’: For Licensed Professionals Only,” signed by 1,550 medical professionals and others to date.  The former assistant professor at Johns Hopkins University Medical School and contributor to the book The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump warns that Trump’s confusion, increasingly incomprehensible speech and repeated use of non-words is a hallmark of dementia – an opinion echoed by Harry Segal of Cornell University.

Gartner notes that Trump sometimes cannot say words at all and just makes sounds (“Saudi Arabia and Russia will…. bluh-ub-bll….”). Trump has recently called “beneficiaries “benefishes,” Gartner notes, as well as calling renovations “renoversh,” pivotal “pivobal,” missiles “mishiz,” bipartisan “bipars,” and Christmas “Crissus.” He talks of “becrumbing” a nation and calls warmongers “wald-mongers.” This is not the normal forgetfulness of an aging brain, such as Joe Biden forgetting a name, says Gartner: “‘Phonemic paraphasias’ — the substitution of non-words for words that sound similar — are not normally seen until a patient enters the moderate to severe stages of Alzheimer’s,” he told Chauncey DeVega of Salon. 

The consequences of a vengeful, “dangerously demented” Trump being re-elected “would have unimaginably catastrophic consequences,”  he writes in the petition. Not only is Trump mentally unfit for the presidency, Gartner concludes, “but he is cognitively incapable of carrying out the duties of president. Under normal circumstances, relatives of such a patient would be seeking consultation with experts, and considering long term care, as he continues to deteriorate. We feel an ethical obligation to warn the public, and urge the media to cover this national emergency.”

-Diana Hembree

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Ask Barbara: Why Am I Jealous that My Husband Dotes on Our Two Beautiful Children?

Teen and parent psychologist Barbara Greenberg advises a high-achieving mother in her 3o’s who is thrilled with her children but worries that her husband is no longer decisive and attentive to her. Find out what Dr. Greenberg has to say.

In other news…

Minnesota lawmakers consider a ban on “mommy-run accounts” in social media. The goal, they say, is to protect kids from online exploitation. “Children have a right to have childhoods free of working, just like they do for pretty much every industry,” State Sen. Erin Maye Quade told the Senate Judiciary Committee. She emphasized that the bill wouldn’t eliminate all opportunities for children to create digital content, the MinnPost reports. “This is targeting content creation that generates compensation at a really high level: your super influencers, your family vlogging channels that have 12 million followers,” Maye Quade said. “The kid that does streaming videos and makes 50 bucks, that’s not included.” (Lawmakers decided to get stricter after reading a New York Times expose of male predators and pedophiles stalking the Instagram accounts of teenage girls, which we featured in an earlier MindSite News newsletter.)

Too many kids are still priced out of youth sports. Two years ago, NYT columnist Jessica Grose interviewed Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game, a book about how money is ruining youth sports. The costs to play, without regard to the packed game schedules, have created a community of “haves and have nots” alone. Now Grose is back with a follow up, incredulous about the heightened stress and financial expense youth travel sports continue to have in families, even after the pandemic. “I thought that the COVID era might have forced a reset in which parents realized that the expense and effort was untenable, and lobbied for change. But the dynamics that Flanagan outlined seem to have become even more entrenched,” Grose writes. “When I called her back to get her take on the past couple of years, Flanagan told me she senses that the intensity around youth sports is even greater now because ‘parents feel like they’ve fallen behind during the pandemic and now they have to catch up.’” (See also our earlier MindSite News story on abusive sports parents, including some that feel they have paid enough to dictate what coaches can and can’t do.)

What do you know about delta-8 THC? It’s an unregulated form of the psychoactive compound found in cannabis, NPR reports, colloquially referred to as “diet weed” or “weed lite.” Parents should be aware because a national survey of 2,000 high school seniors also found that more than 11 percent of respondents use it. “It’s a growing concern,” says Renee Johnson, a professor at Johns Hopkins School of Public Health. “What is sold is unregulated,” she says. “In most states we don’t know the potency [of the drug],” she added. That matters especially in the case of teen consumption. Lacking experience with drugs, they may accidentally take too much, increasing the risks of adverse effects including, “cough, rapid heart rate, paranoia, anxiety, breathing problems and seizure,” Johnson said.

California’s hotly debated Prop 1 passes: The proposal, supported by Gov. Gavin Newsom, passed by a teeny margin, 50.2% to 49.8%. The legislation will provide Newsom with the funds to enact promises he made to reform mental health treatment throughout the state, CalMatters reports, including adding mental health treatment beds and intensely focusing efforts on helping unhoused people with mental illness. Critics of the plan argue it will cut funding to existing, necessary mental health programs and force greater numbers of people into involuntary treatment. 

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If you or someone you know is in crisis or experiencing suicidal thoughts, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline and connect in English or Spanish. If you’re a veteran press 1. If you’re deaf or hard of hearing dial 711, then 988. Services are free and available 24/7.

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