How To Tell Your Children You Have Cancer

March 28, 2024

By Courtney Wise

Plus, Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman held a congressional briefing on the power of policy to connect underrepresented communities to necessary medical treatment. The briefing specifically focuses on getting Black women and girls connected to vital care for the treatment of eating disorders, and it shows that policy can help fill the gap for other people as well.

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Princess Kate inspires discussion on how to discuss a cancer diagnosis with your kids

Last week, Catherine, Princess of Wales, told a world  rife with rumor and conspiracy theories that she’s undergoing treatment for cancer. One comment in her videotaped message especially stood out: “Most importantly, it has taken us time to explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that’s appropriate to them and to reassure them that I’m going to be OK,” Princess Kate said of her children. What exactly does that mean? Clinical social worker Elizabeth Farrell spoke with NPR about strategies families can use to help adults honor children’s right to know about a parent’s serious illness in a way that eases emotional harm. 

Be upfront as soon as possible, Farrell said. Plenty of parents worry that informing children about a cancer diagnosis in the early days could cause more harm than good, so they don’t disclose. That’s a mistake, said Farrell. Children will notice the changes in you and the environment, and “the worst thing that can happen is [they find] out about their parent’s illness from somebody else,” she said.

Next, strongly consider having the conversation at home, or at least in a place where children feel safe and comfortable enough to react and respond however they want or need to, said Farrell. It’s also good to pick a day like Friday, she added, allowing children plenty of time to absorb the news, stay connected to you, and ask whatever questions they might have. 

Other tips include using age-appropriate terms when having the discussion and even a suggested script on how to begin the talk. Most of all, Farrell emphasizes being honest, even if facing a terminal diagnosis, and giving yourself the grace to be emotional. Ultimately, the conversation is to maintain your children’s trust as their parents, she said. They should never feel left out of the loop, or as though they’re not important enough to be told – even if you were just trying to protect them.

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This daughter turned the grief of losing her mom into a crochet brand in her honor

If you’ve heard of Krysta Grasso, the 27-year-old behind the crochet brand Unlikely Fox, you’ve heard of her mother. The small business was recently propelled to the spotlight after being worn by several musicians, including Pulitzer Prize- and Grammy award-winning rapper Kendrick Lamar and singers Malaya and Amindi. Crocheting was a beloved hobby Grasso shared with her late mother, Dunia, she told the Los Angeles Times, connecting them to the three generations of seamstresses their family nurtured before. After the sudden death of her mother, Grasso said she dove into the past to work through her grief, and found joy and purpose. “I realized how deeply connected my crocheting was to her,” Grasso said. “I was really motivated to start doing it for a living.”

Every item Grasso makes, in fact, is stitched with love for her mother. “When I’m sad, I tend to gravitate to bright colors,” she said. Grasso’s earliest customers found her at LA’s popular Black Market Flea, and the enthusiastic support enabled her to relatively quickly leave her full-time job. Since then, Unlikely Fox has expanded to offer a line of hand-dyed yarn and she’s at the flea market less and less. Due to the intensity of demand for her pieces, she’s pulled back to focus on selling commissioned pieces and offering monthly drops online. No two creations are ever the same. 

She’s also shifted to working on Unlikely Fox part-time, saying she wants to be intentional about the brand’s growth and expansion. It also frees up time for her to complete a bachelor’s degree in graphic design, which she will begin this fall. The reduced income isn’t an issue, she added. Having grown up with little money, “I know that I will be OK with less,” she said. When asked what she thinks her mother would say of the thing their mother-daughter hobby built, Grasso said, “I think she’s proud. I think she just wants me to find my own way and not be influenced…by the people around me.”

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A guide to finding childcare, from The 19th

It’s spring break season for lots of families, meaning parents of school-aged children are in a full-fledged search for summertime childcare. But say you’ve never had to secure professional child care before. With the number of providers available and the high costs of care, how can parents sort through options to select the safest and best provider? Reporters at The 19th thought about this issue too and set out to create a beginner’s guide. 

Some of the guide’s main points: If you’re pregnant, don’t wait until the baby is born to select a childcare provider. It should be as high a priority on your baby preparation list as choosing a crib and pediatrician. And, what’s the difference between a daycare provider, a nanny, an au pair or someone else? Are they all just different terms for the classic ‘babysitter?” The guide defines them in detail. 
As important, the guide lists questions to ask potential child care providers, best practices from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Public Health Association for caregiver to child ratios in center-based and home-based care. It also provides notes on verifying a provider’s license and inspection history, even briefly speaking to the types of background checks that might be conducted on workers.

Note: Only 24 states require each of the following before a person can interact with children: a national FBI criminal history check, national sex offender registry check, in-state criminal history check, in-state sex offender registry check, in-state child abuse and neglect registry check, interstate criminal history check, interstate sex offender registry check, and interstate child abuse and neglect registry check. At least 19 states do not require background checks before allowing new staff to work directly with children, so defending on your state, you may want to do some backgrounding on your own.

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In other news…

Controversy over SafeBears, the private security hired for a time by parents to protect students at UC Berkeley: Following a spike in crime near campus, a group of parents of students at UC Berkeley deployed a private security force earlier this month to patrol the perimeter of student housing and the area south of campus, from late night through early morning. They’ve done so without coordinating with the university, much to the school’s frustration. Parents spent $42,000 to cover the cost of 6 unarmed guards for 17 days. In a statement obtained by the Los Angeles Times, the university wrote, “Parents who want to donate funds toward additional campus security can do so via a university fund that has been established. We do not believe that private security should take precedence over hiring sworn officers.”

Gephyrophobia, or the fear of traveling over bridges, explained: The tragic collapse of Baltimore’s Key Bridge after it was hit by a struggling cargo ship has sparked conversation about people’s fears of traveling over bridges. Reporters at USA Today wrote a brief explainer on the condition called gephyrophobia, offering tips on how to alleviate or reduce its impact. 

Black women and girls suffer from eating disorders, but stereotypes about the typical eating disorder patient prevent them from getting proper diagnosis and care. In response, Congresswoman Bonnie Watson Coleman (D-NJ) hosted a congressional briefing in conjunction with the Eating Disorders Coalition for Research, Policy & Action. All interested citizens are encouraged to watch the entire briefing on Rep. Watson Coleman’s YouTube channel. A transcript is also included.

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If you or someone you know is in crisis or experiencing suicidal thoughts, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline and connect in English or Spanish. If you’re a veteran press 1. If you’re deaf or hard of hearing dial 711, then 988. Services are free and available 24/7.

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